Do you get misunderstood often? We've all been there! Here's how to take control of it
Have you recently been misheard?
Had some promises broken?
We’ve all been there and its tough!
But we actually can do something about it. We can make a choice to take control of these situations by teaching others gently how to treat us.
Ways that hold us back and that we shouldn’t approach these situations with is:
- By being passive aggressive
- By giving as good as you get
- By seeking revenge
All of these are things that we may do when someone has wronged us but these 5 ways are far more fruitful and you don’t need to change the person at all.
- Live by example
If you operate on a level of respecting, trusting and honouring yourself others will also. If you act self aware and act like you know that you are important then things wont hijack you as much as before. Try to practice being unshakable by honouring what you truly need in situations. For example; if someone is always late to meet you or respond to your calls you start to be consistent in turning up on time and honouring your and your friends time. If you have a missed call you don’t mirror their behaviour by getting annoyed and refusing to call them back. Call them back and be kind. This isn’t a tit for tat scenario at all. This is you honouring what you want to do in your daily life and how you show up with respect and integrity.
- Accept people as they are
By accepting individuals as they are can make your life a lot simpler and easier. By accepting that everyone has different beliefs, values and ways of operating can make you calmer in your daily life. This doesn’t mean that you accept bad behaviour but that you accept that maybe people don’t know any better that it isn’t your responsibility to change them. You can teach people what is and isn’t allowed by putting boundaries in place
- Set boundaries
Setting boundaries shows people around you what is and isn’t on the table. For instance; if you are uncomfortable discussing weight or gossip, make it known that you don’t wish to discuss things that make you uncomfortable. A true friend will respect that but if you don’t say it then you increase the chances of this happening again and again. If someone is telling you a story that isn’t their story to tell like gossip. You can say that you don’t want to hear about other people’s business and that you don’t find it okay. As Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Boundaries are the decisions that we decide to make in terms of our friendships and relationships. We can in fact limit our success and enjoyment of daily life if we don’t have boundaries at work or at home.
Boundaries for yourself to have include: its not okay for people to….
- I have the right to ask for….
- I need to protect my self and my mental health so its okay to………
You cant please everyone by setting boundaries and the majority of the time, the people that are most disgruntled by your boundaries are the ones that were happy trampling all over you.
- Don’t complain or accuse
If you are wronged or treated badly, it is so easy to curse that person and call them all of the names under the sun. But what is more helpful to you is to just accept that person with grace and calmness. If someone is really late and they say sorry, accept the apology whole heartedly. If you accuse the person this keeps you I that negative space and stops you from moving forward because your energy will be taken up with all that complaining and annoyance. If is like having a fly in your room and you blame the fly for being so stupid for flying into your room in the first place, whereas, if you simply just open the window, you can let it fly out and you haven’t given it a second thought really! When you complain you are just making matters worse. The best thing to do is just slow down and digest what has happened and maybe write about the wrong doing. When we unpack these things, it is much easier to see them for what they are – simple mistakes.
- Forgive (but on the inside)
When we are wronged it can be difficult to find that place of compassion. But in fact, if you send the person that has wronged you some love and compassion and tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and everyone operates in different ways then you get to accept that persons humanity and also the fact that no one is perfect. Perfection does not exist. If the person does not respect your boundaries and continues to mistreat you then it might be time to have a conversation that is a little bit more final for you both.
I hope that you have found these useful and they can be used in your daily life. Remember that you have the choice to tell people how they must treat you by firstly how you treat yourself, how you accept and respect yourself and others, setting healthy boundaries, not complaining but addressing things head on and forgiving them with compassion.
Please share with your friends that struggle with being heard in relationships.